Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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