I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
