WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
