Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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