Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
