but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
