And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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