We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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