i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
