We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
