Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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