I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
