I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
