Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
