So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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