i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
