When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
