woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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