Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
