We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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