Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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