So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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