It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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