Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
