She said her name was "party"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
