STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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