Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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