yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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