yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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