I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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