dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
