You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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