as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
