yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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