I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
