I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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