Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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