a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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