The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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