oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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