Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
