Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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