i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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