I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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