We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think people are normalizing furries
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
