Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
