Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I could have mohawked her pubes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
