So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
