i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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