I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
