if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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